krieger
Astig
Labas Pasok sa Kulungan
Posts: 185
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Post by krieger on Mar 31, 2009 17:17:45 GMT 8
bwahahaha
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Post by Königskobra on Apr 1, 2009 6:24:33 GMT 8
THE WIFE
Sa isang party. Sabi ng isang Ambassador to Erap, ‘I haven’t met your wife. Where is she?’
Napadaan si First Lady Loi. Sabi ni Erap, ‘Oh, my wife just passed away.’
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CEASEFIRE
ERAP to MILF : Sumuko na kayo!
MILF: Di kami susuko pag di mo maispel ang CEASEFIRE.
ERAP : Tama na! Tuloy ang giyera.
----------------------------------------------------
AIR PRESSURE
Pa-landing na ang presidential plane. Napansin ng stewardess na parang sumasakit ang tenga ni President Erap dahil sa air pressure kaya lumapit ito.
‘Sir, chewing gum para hindi sumakit ang tenga ninyo sa flight,’ sabi ng stewardess.
Tinanggap ni Erap ang chewing gum. Ilang sandali pa, lumapag na ang eroplano. Kinausap ni Erap ang stewardess.
‘Miss, paano ko tatanggalin ang chewing gum sa tenga ko?’ tanong nito.
---------------------------------------
PASALOAD
ERAP: Loi, pasahan mo nga ako ng 2 my importante lang akong itetext. ~ LOI: (P2 send)
ERAP: (message received) OK!! got it thanks! ~
LOI: Tanga! wag ka ng magreply, Sayang!! ~
ERAP: ok! --------------------------------------------------- INFORMATION
Erap: Hello, I will like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco ?
Operator: Just a minute sir…
Erap: Thank you! (klik).
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Post by Königskobra on Apr 1, 2009 6:27:58 GMT 8
ERAP IN LIBRARY
Erap in Library
‘What time does the library open?’ Erap on the phone asked.
‘Nine A.M. ‘ came the reply. ‘And what’s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?’
‘Not until nine A.M.?’ Erap asked in a disappointed voice.
‘No, not till nine A.M.!’ the librarian said.
‘Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?’
‘ha, who said I wanted to get in?’ Erap sighed sadly. ‘I want to get out!’
-------------------------------------
IN LABOR
One particular day many years ago, Erap’s wife was having labor pains.
Erap panicked so he called their doctor.
Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!
Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?
Erap: Yes, doc!
Doc: Is this the first baby?
Erap: No, doc. This is Erap! ----------------------------------------
TESTING
As Erap’s Driver test drive it.
Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light as driver switches on the parking light)
Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana.
Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights)
Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana.
Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light)
Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw…….
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Post by Königskobra on Apr 1, 2009 6:31:20 GMT 8
Anak: Tay ang tanga naman ng mga kaklase ko aku lang nakasagut ng tanung ng titser! Tatay: Bakit anak? anu pla yung tanung ng titser mu?
Anak: Ang tanung ng titser namin ay “sino walang assignment?”
tumaas aku agad ng kamay tay at cnabi kung “ako!”
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Sa panliligaw ni Erap, mahili g siyang sumulat ng coded love messages tulad ng:
ITALY - I truly adore and love you
SASAYA - Stay as Sweet as you are
Para lalong bumilib and kanyang nililigawan, sinikap niyang gumawa ng ‘love letter’ na gamit ang alphabet:
ABC - Always be careful
DEF - Don’t Ever forget
GHI - Go Home Immediately
JKLM - Just Keep Loving Me
NOPQRSTUVW - No One Perfectly Quite Romantic Should Treat U Very=2 0Well Napa-whew at pinagpawisan si Erap. Tatlong titik na lang and natitira…XYZ.
Pinag-isipan ito nang husto ni Erap. Makalipas ang oras, napangiti siya at pinalakpakan ang kanyang sarili bago sinulat ang:
XYZ - Xee You Zoon!!
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Post by Königskobra on Apr 1, 2009 6:35:33 GMT 8
FRIES
Kumain sa isang sosyal na restaurant sina Erap at FVR. ‘Give me Swiss Steak and French Fries’ order ni FVR sa ingles.
‘And you Sir? tanong ng waiter.
‘The same, Give me sweepstake and first prize, too’ sagot ni Erap.
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BRIDGE
Nagpunta si Erap sa England at nag-meet sila ng prime minister.
Habang kumakain, nagtanong ang prime minister.
‘Is San Juanico Bridge the longest bridge in the Philippines ?’
‘Yes,’ mabilis na sagot ni Erap saka biglang nag-isip ng maitatanong din, ‘Ah… Is London Bridge falling down?’ --------------------------------------------
The most intell igent ‘presidentiable’
Miriam Santiago, has challenged the least intelligent presidentiable to a televised debate. To make things interesting, Miriam says that every time she asks Erap a question which he cannot answer, Erap has to pay Miriam five pesos. BUT if Erap asks Miriam a question which she cannot answer, Miriam has to give Erap five thousand pesos.
Miriam asks the first question: ‘What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?’ Erap doesn’t say a word, reaches for his wallet, pulls out a five-peso bill and hands it to Miriam.
Now, it’s his turn. He asks Miriam: ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’ Miriam looks at him with a puzzled look.
She whips out her laptop computer and searches all her references. She taps into the phone with her modem and searches the Net. Frustrated, she sends E-mails to all her aides, assistants, and friends. All to no avail.
After over an hour, she admits defeat and hands Erap five 1000-peso bills. Erap says nothing, but politely accepts the P5,000 and turns away to go home.
Miriam is a poor sport and demands from Erap, ‘Well, so what IS the answer!?’
Without a word, Erap pulls out his wallet and gives Miriam another five pesos….
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krieger
Astig
Labas Pasok sa Kulungan
Posts: 185
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Post by krieger on Apr 1, 2009 8:10:57 GMT 8
Here are a few sample of Accounting terms: English to Tagalog
Asset - Ari
Fixed asset - Nakatirik na ari
Liquid asset - Basang ari
Solid asset - Matigas na ari
Owned asset - Sariling pag aari
Other asset - Ari ng iba
False asset - Ari-ari-an
Miscellaneous asset - Iba-ibang klaseng ari
Asset write off - Pinutol na pag aari
Depreciation of asset - Laspag na pag aari
Fully depreciated asset - Laspag na laspag na pag aari
Earning asset - Tumutubong pag aari
Working asset - Ganado pa ang ari
Non-earning asset - Baldado na ang ari
Erroneous entry - Mali ang pagka pasok
Double entry - Dalawang beses ipinasok
Multiple entry - Labas pasok nang labas pasok
Correcting entry - Itinama ang pagpasok
Reversing entry - Baligtad ang pagkakapasok
Dead asset - Patay na ARI
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Teacher and student:
Teacher: Rice Leaf, use Euthanasia in the sentence
Rice Leaf: Mam, "Euthanasia is an act of mecry killing."
Teacher: Good! Rice Leaf! Ang GWAPO mo talaga!
Teacher: Lingkis, Euthanasia in a sentence.
Lingkis paused for a while and thought... and thought then suddenly...
Lingkis: Easy yan po mam. "Our maid is no longer a virgin because na Euthanasia."
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Post by Lingkis on Apr 12, 2009 7:25:27 GMT 8
nyhahahahaha nice one sir krieger hahahaha
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Post by Lingkis on Apr 12, 2009 7:26:37 GMT 8
JUDGE: isa ka palang pusher, kidnapper, gun for hire, gambling lord, swindler at bugaw! Wala ka bang matinong hanapbuhay? ACCUSED: meron po. Pulis po ako.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ------- Dalawang unano galing motel.
UNANO 1: pare, hindi ko nagalaw date ko kagabi, buti pa kayo, dinig ko humihiyaw ka ng "1,2,3 ummph!!" UNANO 2: pilyo! Hindi ko kasi maakyat ang kama .
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BETH: halata na ang tiyan mo. Bakit hindi pa kayo papakasal ng BF mo? MARIA: ayaw ng pamilya niya eh. BETH: sino may ayaw, tatay o Nanay? MARIA: yung misis niya.
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Quiapo Church: MRS: Lord, bigyan ninyo ako ng P1,000 kasi anak ko na sa hospital. Narinig ng pulis, naawa, binigyan ng P500. MRS: Lord, next time huwag padaan sa pulis, nabawasan agad
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Young lady to the new parish priest: LADY: Father, ang cute mo, bakit pumayag kang magpari? PRIEST: Ayaw kasi pumayag ni mama na mag-MADRE ako!
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JEEP PASSENGER: manong bayad. JEEP DRIVER: saan galing? JEEP PASSENGER: sa akin. JEEP DRIVER: papunta saan? JEEP PASSENGER: sayo
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Spanish teacher: Class use 'fuera' in a sentence. Student: Mis maestras son bonitas (my teachers are beautiful). Teacher: Oh, that's very flattering but where's the "fuera"? Student: Fuera ka
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Bush visited the Philippines and Erap acted as his translator: Bush: Lets help one another. Erap: Tayo'y magtulungan. Bush: Let's strive together. Erap: Tayo'y magsikap. Bush: Because in union there is strength. Erap: Dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!
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Hating-gabi, hot si misis. Haplos niya ilong ni mister, kiliti niya sa leeg, saka bulong malambing sa tenga. Misis: Love, ala na ko panty. Mister: Huh! Sige, tulog na, bukas ibibili kita.
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Isang panget na babae, hinoholdap Holdaper: Holdap ito! Akin na gamit mo! Babae (sumigaw): RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! Holdaper: Anong rape? Holdap nga to eh! Babae: Nagsa-suggest lang.
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Pare 1: Pare parang malalim ang iniisip mo! Pare 2: Nanaginip ako kagabi kasama ko 50 contestants ng Ms. Universe Pare 1: Swerte mo! ano problema mo? Pare 2: Pare ako nanalo!
------------ --------- --------- --------- -------
Pare 1: Pre, nasusuka ako kaya lang di ako masuka Pare 2: Madali lang yan, pre, sundutin mo tonsils mo (pare 1 sinundot ang tonsils ..) Pare 1: Di pa rin, eh Pare 2: Hmmmmm ... sundutin mo pwet mo (pare 1 sinundot ang pwet ...) Pare 1: Wala pa rin Pare 2: Ngayon, tsaka mo uli isundot sa bibig mo ...pag hindi ka pa masuka nyan ewan ko na!!!!!
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Sa isang ospital...
Lola (may cancer) : Doc, anong gagawin nyo sa akin? Doc : Che-chemo lola. Lola : T*ti mo rin!!! Bastos ka!! walang modo!!
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Holduper: Pili ka, wallet mo o pasabugin utak mo? Biktima: Ikaw na bahala, pareho naman yan - walang laman!
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Sa isang mumurahing airline: Stewardess: Sir, would you like some dinner? Passenger: Ano ba ang mga choices? Stewardess: Yes or No lang....
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Bata: ale pabili ubas... Ale : wla kaming ubas..
d next day
B:ale pabili ubas.. A: sabing wla kaming ubas eh.. 1 pa isteteypleran ko bibig mo!
d next day..
B: ale may stapler kau? A: wla bket?? B: pabili ubas..
nyhahahaa ang kulet...
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Post by Lingkis on Apr 12, 2009 7:37:26 GMT 8
Street Vendor : 'bili na kayo ng relo! gold watch ito! pag namuti, white gold! pag huminto stopwatch!' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- gf : hu hu hu hu bakit natin ginawa ito? hindi na ako virgin at dalawang beses pa natin ginawa! bf : ano? isa lang ah?! gf : bakit, hindi na ba natin uulitin mamaya?! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Couple talking: wife : hon, paki fix naman ilaw sa labas. husband : hello!? electrician ba ako? wife : eh di pkigawa na lang hagdan natin. husband : hello!? karpintero ba ako? umalis c husband, pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa bahay. tinanong niya wife kung sino gumawa ng trabaho. wife : kasi kanina a man saw me crying, sabi ko dami sira dito sa bahay. so he offered to help in exhange of either sex or bake ako ng cake. husband : so pnag-bake mo siya ng cake? wife : hello?! baker ba ako?! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ANG MARRIED LIFE.... May isang intsik na sa sobrang hilig sa karaoke ay inabot ng 5 am. Dahil sa takot mabugbog ni misis, nag-text ng: 'HUWAG KA BAYAD RANSOM. NAKATAKAS AKO. UWI NA KO!' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Husband: 'Paratina lang tayo away! Maghiwalay na lang tayo!' Wife: 'Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!' Husband: 'Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!' Wife: 'Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Sa harap ng nursery window; Friend: Pare, pag laki ng anak mo, am sure magaling mag-drive Dad: Bakit, pare, malaki ba ang kamay? Friend: Hindi. Kasi kamukha siya ng driver ninyo! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife and carried her. Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this? Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Friend: 'Wow, pare, ganda ng sapatos mo, ah!' Husband: 'Oo. Surprise gift ng kumare mo!' Friend: 'Surprise? Ano occassion?' Husband: 'Wala. Nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama namin kagabi!' --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Health Advisory: 'Beer contains female hormones, and can turn men into women. After 5 pints.... men become talkative, unreasonable, irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting!' --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WIFE: I'm warning you! Parating na husband ko in 1 hour! HANDSOME VISITOR: Wala naman akong ginawang masama ah? WIFE: kaya nga! kung may balak ka, GAWIN MONA!!! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon. HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya 'GO TO HELL', kaya ito uwi agad ako.. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na to, let's make love. Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. Maaga pa akong gigising bukas, buti ikaw, hindi na.
HE HE HE HE !!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------- Population policies of countries: : China Stop at 1 child. Singapore : Stop at 2 children Phil: STOP AT 4 A.M.! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RUSSIAN: we're 1st in space USA : we're 1st in the moon ERAP: we'll be the 1st in the sun USA: you can't go there, you'll burn ERAP: we're not stupid, we'll go there at NIGHT! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot? American: Excuse me. British: Pardon me. Pinoy: NOT ME!
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Post by Lingkis on Apr 12, 2009 7:53:00 GMT 8
JOKES!!! > > SIR: Inday, c Sir mo 2..bangga kotse ko and i nid > cash! > INDAY: Aru!!! dugo-dugo gang ka noh! > SIR: ****! c Sir mo talaga to! > INDAY: ****! c Sir ang tawag saken CUPCAKE!!!! > > > KUTO1: do u hear me over? > KUTO2: copy! > KUTO1: location? > KUTO2: sa bulbol ni ma'am..ikaw? > KUTO1: *******! magkatabi lng pala tayo. nand2 ko > sa bigote ni sir!!! > > > Tatlong nagyayabngan na daga ... > Daga1: kakain ako ng keso na may rat-killer! > Daga2: ha!!! kakain ako ng keso sa mouse trap!!! > Daga3: tsk! tsk! tsk! manood kayo!!!! manrereyp ako > ng pusa!!! > > > > TEACHER: Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang 1 mong > tenga? > BOY: hihina po pandinig ko. > TEACHER: e kung dalawang tenga? > BOY: lalabo po paningin ko! > TEACHER: baket naman? > BOY: malalaglag po salamin ko. > > > > Dalawang cra ulo.... > CRA1: Magaling ka na ba? > CRA2: Oo namn!!!CRA1: Talaga?...kaya mo bng 2mawid > sa ilaw ng flashlight > ko? > CRA2: Ano ko cra? e pano kung patayin mo flashlyt > mo?...e d nalaglag pa > ko!!! > > > > 2 Patients are taking sperm count..... > (d nurse masterbates P#1 but sucksP#2) > While the nurse is doing the blow..... > P#1: Ba't bl****b sa kanya e samantalang sakin > handjob lang? > NURSE: CASH ito noh!.... sayo PHILHEALTH lang!!! > > Dalawang magkaibigan nagtetext.... > PEPE: Tol! pasa load namn! 2pesos lang, my katx lng > me. > Tol: cge. w8 lng. > (message sent) > Pepe: *** tol! bait mo talaga! > Tol: ****! wag ka na magtex! sayang ung pinasa ko > sayo!!! > Pepe: k. > > > > > GIRL: mag-69 tayo dear!! > BOY: pano un? > GIRL: ganito lang... > (pumuwesto na cla at biglang nautot ang girl ng 4 > times) > BOY: Ayoko na!!! D KO NA KAYA UNG NATITIRA PANG > 65!!!! > > > > ERAP: doc, i accidentally swallowed a chicken bone. > DOC: is it choking? > ERAP: it's max's. > DOC: i didnt mean chowking...i said, r u choking? > ERAP: no.. im serious! > > > YEAR 2009.... > Prosti 1: sa sobrang hirap ng panahon ngaun,kahit > 200 payag na ko. > Prosti 2: ako kahit 100..payag na! > Prosti 3: ako nga blowjobb for free! may makain > lng!!! > > > > isang gabi... > WIFE: di ako makatulog dahil sa lamok. mag-SEX muna > tayo! > HUSBAND: putragis! anong akala mo sa TITI > ko?....katol!!!! matulog ka > na!!!! > > > > a man was cornered by a lion. he prayed..."Lord, > pls make dis lion a > christian". > d lion suddenly knelt down and prayed.... > LION: "bless this food that i'm about to receive > thru Christ our LORD, > amen." > > > > a priest lost a bird & asked during mass... > Priest: anyone got a bird? > all men stood up. > Priest: i mean, any! 1 seen a bird? > all women stood up. > Priest: i meant any1 seen my bird? > ...all nuns stood up > > > ANAK: Dad! naka-experience na ko ng bl****b! > yahoo!!!! > DAD: wow! anak!...binata ka na!!!anong feeling? > ANAK: ang sakit po sa panga!!!! > > > > ATTY: Inday! pwede mo bng idiscribe d2 sa korte ang > taong nangrape sayo? > INDAY: maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong at > bungal... > SUSPEK: cge!!!!...mangasar ka pa!!!! > > > > dalawang madre nirereyp ng goons.... > Madre1: diyos ko! patawarin mo po cla...d nila alam > ang kanilang ginagawa. > Madre2: ay yung sakin marunong!!!! > > > After having sex, panay pa rin ang hawak ng girl sa > organ ng lalaki.... > BF: Gusto mo pa ulit? > GIRL: hindi..namimiss ko lng.......meron kc ako > nito dati e.... > > a wife and husband fighting.... > Wife: inamo!!! > Husband: inamo rin!!! > Wife: tanga! > Husband: tanga ka rin!!! > Wife: panget!!! > Husband: panget ka rin!!! > Wife: supot!!!! > Husband: ......un nga lng... > > > > Dentist & Lover.... > Dentist: we have 2 stop seeing each other... halata > na tayo ng MR mo. > Lover: but we love each other! > Dentist: oo nga...but were running out of > excuses....ISA NA LNG IPIN MO! > > > > Anak: nay!!! my mens na ko! > Nay: ano kulay...aber? > Anak: dark brown nay! > Nay: lintik na bata to!!!! LBM yan!!! > hala..maghugas ka na ng pwet! > ambisyosong BAKLA to!!! > > > Sexy: Doc!! mainit pwet ko! > Doc: lagyan natin ng thermometer > Sexy: hiya ako e. > Doc: cge, off ko ilaw... > (in-off ilaw) > Sexy: ! Doc!!! hindi po pwet yan ha!!! > Doc: cge lang!!! di rin ito thermometer!!!! > > Erap: lintek na ibon 2!! iniputan ako! > Bodyguard: sir, kukuha ako ng toilet paper... > Erap: wag na!! pano mo pa mapupunasan un e > nakalipad na?! *****!!! bobo!!! > > > > news advisory: > AT LAST!!!... anewgeneration napkin has been made 2 > "satisfy women"!!! > introducing....NEW WHISPER WITH TONGUE!!!! > .....keeps u wet..even when ur dry.. > > > > Arab interview at US immigration: > Q: ur name pls.. > A: abdul aziz > Q: sex? > A: twice a wik.. > Q: i mean male or female? > A: doesn't matter.... sometimes even with camel... > > > > Patient: dok. malungkot d2 sa mental kaya naisipan > kong sulatan ang sarili > ko... > Doc: e ano namn laman ng sulat mo? > Patient: d ko pa po alam kc next wik ko pa ata > matatangap... > > > Jingoy: Dad, 22o bang may side effect ang viagra? > Erap: tanga! sa harap effect nyan hindi sa side!!!! > > > Convict: father...4give me 4 i have sinned... > Pari: sabihin mo lahat ng kasalanan mo anak. > Convict: father, pinatay ko lahat ng naniniwala sa > diyos.kau ba > naniniwala > sa kanya? > Pari: CNO UN? > > > > GIRL: Hide and seek tayo. if u find me, papayag > akong makipag-sex sayo... > BOY: e kung di kita makita? > GIRL: nasa likod lng ako ng piano... > > > > GIRL: ang puti naman ng bird mo... > BOY: aba syempre ah!!! likas papaya ata gamit ko > jan!!! > GIRL: ginagamitan mo rin ba ng downy? > BOY: baket? bango ba? > GIRL: lambot e!!! > > > BINATA: mis, pede bang manligaw sayo? > DALAGA: at bakit?! may CRV ka ba? BMW? PAJERO? > EXPEDITION? > BINATA: pucha!!! bakit?! ano ba yang PEKPEK > mo!!!? PARKING LOT?!!!!! > > > > > > u wont beliv wat things > people do these days... > i was sitting nxt > 2 dis girl in church > & in the middle of the mass > she light a cigaret! > > na-shock ako!!!!... > > i almost drop my redhorse!!!!
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Post by Lingkis on Apr 12, 2009 21:15:00 GMT 8
famous line!!
"pinapaikot mo lang ako
Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang
patayin mlo na lang ako"
-electric fan
"hindi lahat ng walang salawal
ay bastos"
-winnie d' pooh
"Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad
kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo.
pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo"
-ipis
"Hala! sige magpakasasa ka!
Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo."
-hipon
"Ayoko na! pag nagmamahal ako lagi na lang
maraming tao ang nagagalit! wala ba akong
karapatang magmahal?!?"
-gasolina
"Hindi lahat ng green ay masustansya."
-plema
"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sau
ayoko ko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao
ganun mo na lang ako itanggi.."
-utot
"Sawang sawa na ako palagi nalang akong
pinagpapasa-pasahan, pagod na pagod na ako."
-Bola
"you never know what you have
till you lose it.
and once you lose it, you can never get it back"
-snatcher
"Hindi lahat ng pink, KIKAY!"
-majinboo
"Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka
mahirap ba talagang makontento sa isa?
bakit palipat-lipat ka?
-TV
"hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin c"
-kili kili
Sige, batihin mo ako.... Sigeee.....BATEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
-omelette
pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!
-libag
Anung kasalanan ko sayo, iniwan m nalang akong duguan...
-Napkin
"wag mo na akong bilugin.."
-kulangot
Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?
-Lego
Punyetang Buhay to! Itlog itlog! Araw2 na lang itlog!
-Brief
Wala naman akong ginawa sa kanya! Hindi na nga ako gumalaw dito.
Ako n nga yun ntapakan, sya pa un galit.. bakit ganun?
-Tae
Cge kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang baho mo!
-deodorant
"hindi lahat ng dugo puedeng idonate"
-regla
Hindi lahat ng hinog, matamis...
-pigsa __________________
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Post by Lingkis on Apr 12, 2009 21:32:16 GMT 8
Definition of Women
WOMEN
Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa. She is half discovered, half wild. Between the ages of 20 - 30 a woman is like America. Fully discovered and scientifically perfect. Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India & Japan. Very hot, wise and beautiful. Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France. She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable. Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Germany. She lost the war but not the hope. Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia. Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there. Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England. With a glorious past but no future. After 70, they become Siberia. "Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there."
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krieger
Astig
Labas Pasok sa Kulungan
Posts: 185
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Post by krieger on Apr 14, 2009 12:14:38 GMT 8
bwahahahahaha
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Post by tuklaw^shooter^ on Apr 16, 2009 21:21:19 GMT 8
Subject: Iba talaga ang Pinoy!
Mister: Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si ZORRO! Misis: E ako, sino? Mister: Si DACOS! Misis: Dacos? Sino 'yun? Mister: DA COS of all my ZORROs! ----------- ---------- ------------ -- ------------ - -------- Job
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Post by tuklaw^shooter^ on Apr 16, 2009 21:22:47 GMT 8
interview: Boss: Ano ang alam mo? Rommel: Alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis niyo, at kung saan nakatira ang kabit niyo. Boss: Tanggap ka na! ------------ -- ------------ ---- ------------ - ------------ Tomas: Sobrang tabatsoy ang misis ko, kaya gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang. Nag-horseback riding siya... Jorge: Ano'ng resulta? Tomas: Nabawasan ng sampung kilo 'yung kabayo! ------------ ---- ------------ --- ------------ - ------------ Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo? Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok. Ama: Ano, madali ba? Anak: Chicken na chicken! Ama: Anong grade mo? Anak: Itlog po. ------------ -- --------- ----------- ---------- ---------- Dalawang holdaper sa bangko:
Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo! Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na! Holdaper #1: Alam mo namang mahina ako sa math. Abangan na lang natin sa balita kung magkano! -------- ----------- ----------- ------------ ------------ Pasyente: Okey ba ang services sa ospital na ito? Doktor: Oo naman. Sigurado 'yon. Pasyente: Paano kung hindi ako satisfied? Doktor: Ibabalik namin ang sakit mo. ------------ ------------ ------------ -- ------------ ----------- 3 tanga nagsisiksikan sa maliit na **kama**:*
TANGA1: Pare, di tayo kasya. Bawas tayo ng isa, sa lapag na lang matulog. (Bumaba si Tanga 1.) TANGA2: Ayan, pare maluwag na, akyat kana dito!
*************************************************************** Dear Dodong, Sa susunod anak, Nido non-fat na lang ang ipadala mo sa tatang mo. Nasisira kasi ang tiyan niya sa pinadala mong Nivea Moisturing Milk... Nagmamahal - Nanay
**************************************************************** ANAK: 'Tay , penge ng pera. May project kami. Bibili ako ng 'cocomban'. TATAY: Ano ka ba naman. Hangga ngayon 'cocomban' pa rin ang tawag mo! ANAK: Ano po ba ang tama? TATAY: Bomb paper!
************************************************************** MISIS: Dear, iligaw mo nga tong pusa. Nakasako na. Dalhin mo sa malayo! MISTER: Ok! MISIS: Bakit ka ginabi? Niligaw mo ba ang pusa? MISTER: Bwisit na pusang yan! Kundi ko siya sinundan, di ako nakauwi!
************************************************************** PEDRO: Galing ako sa doktor, nakabili na ako ng hearing aid. Grabe ang linaw ngayon nang pandinig ko! JUAN: Wow, galing! Magkanong bili mo sa hearing aid? PEDRO: Kahapon lang!
****************************************************************** At a funeral service:
ERAP: Tara na, Jinggoy. Alis na tayo! JINGGOY: Kararating pa lang natin a! ERAP: Naku mahirap nang maiwan. Basahin mo o: 'REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED.'
******************************************************************* Tanga 1: Ano bang hinahanap mo diyan sa supot ng 3-in-1 coffee. Kanina ka pa silip nang silip diyan. Tanga 2: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal. Nakasulat kasi sa karton 'SUGAR FREE.
******************************************************************* JUAN: Pare, ang bilis kong nabuo 'tong puzzle! PEDRO: Talaga? Gaano kabilis? JUAN: 5 months! PEDRO: Tagal naman! JUAN: Tagal ba 'yun? Nakalagay nga dito: 'for 3 years & up'! ******************************************************************* If you enjoyed the laugh, please pass it along Remember, laughter is the best medicine.
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